Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
