I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
