If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
