tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
We need to feng shui this bitch.
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