I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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