i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
