google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
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