Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
