3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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