found the other keg... it's in the tree
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize
