i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
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