Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
