I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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