Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
