Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You may now shotgun with the bride
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
