i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
