ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Randomize
