After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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