put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
Randomize
