that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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