you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He should just accept that I want his dick and his friendship. Can't he understand that I don't do emotions?
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
