So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
