Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
