so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
