Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
