You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
Randomize
