its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Randomize
