11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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