Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
