the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
Randomize
