Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
