i think my tv is drunk
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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