Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
