If i could tip my vagina, i would.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
