the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Randomize
