You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of j�ger and an empty bed here Friday.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
Randomize
