i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
