i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
Randomize
