I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
can u get pink eye on your cock?
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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