dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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