I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
