My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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