you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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