There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
i dont even know how to be here
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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