i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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