her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I wish you could order shots online.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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