Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
