The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
Randomize
