my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
