I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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